King of the Rings
by Broken Wings-Shattered Heart
Summary: Frodo is destined to carry the one ring.A story of the journey him and his comerads make across Middle earth.
1. Chapter 1

King of the Rings:Movie 1: If only he'd finished the book.

Broken Wings: Hello! My name is Broken Wings (Wings for short!), And I get to be director, and the mastermind behind this fanfic! This is my first fanfic, so please...Have Mercy (TT)  
Shattered Heart: Cry baby.  
Wings: Oh, I almost forgot!  
Heart: Like always.  
Wings: This is my alternate personality, Shattered heart! Heart for short.  
Heart: Ironic. I don't have one.  
Wings: Blink Heart: I'm just here to comment and help Wings with spelling Wings: My spellings not that bad!  
Heart: Your spelling would give any English teacher a heart attack.  
Wings: Glare FINE YOU WIN!  
Heart: Wow...That was ...easy. Anyway are we forgetting something?... oh yeah.  
Disclaimer: We do not own any characters, places , or songs mentioned in this fanfic.  
Heart: On with the show.

Familiar Female Voice: Long ago Rings of Great powers were forged! Three were given to the Elves, beautiful and wise and all that other good stuff that no one else even thought of being.  
Random Elf: Yeah, like sexy! Voice: ...anyway, Seven were given to the Dwarfs, who appeared to be really …….um…hungry hobbits.  
Nine were given to the men.  
Woman was completely over looked and ignored and unappreciated and by the men whom they supported!  
Not to mention the men were smelly, dirty and downright.  
Wings: Ahem!  
Voice: Oh, all right!  
Wings: Since you seem to be getting sidetracked I think I'll shorten our little intro…Saron is evil. He made a ring that was evil. He destroyed villages, which was evil. And he started a war which had really cool graphics, but was evil.  
Heart: Are you allowed to just interupt!  
Wings: It's my parody!  
Heart: I thought you said it was a fanfic.  
Wings: Whatever!

THE WAR

Narrator: We see a series of R-rated blood shed, and some extreamly Matrix like moves from the Elves.  
Pansy's in Audiency: Oh, the fear!

Elrond: I need no helmet!  
Soldiers: Um.  
Elrond: What!  
Soldiers: ...Nothing Elrond: ...I hate you...

Narrator: And so the war continued. Many more bloody images flash into view. When finally the Army seems to stand a chance.  
Army: Yay!  
Narrator: ...Sauron himself shows up.  
Army: S#t !  
Narrator: Thus began the slaughter.  
Elf #354: die  
Man #56: die  
Elf #45: die  
Narrator: Suddenly Isildur, son of the king, took up his fathers sword! ...and Sauron Stepped on it.  
Isildur: sobbing and cradling broken sword I barely knew you! You where so shiny sniff.  
Saron:evil laughter  
Isildur: I will avenge this lovely piece of metal!  
Narrator: So in rage, Isildur picked up the shattered blade and severed saurons finger.  
Sauron: Although this is not a potentially deadly wound I think I may just die.explodes

Narrator: And so the little army of Elves and Men won the battle. Isildur, who had an obvious fascination with shiny objects, spotted the ring which was still around the severed finger.  
Isildur: You remind me of a certain metal blade I used to know...so shiny and...precious.  
Elrond: Come with me.  
Isildur: ...Okay.

Narrator: Elrond led Isildur into Mount Doom, the place were the ring was forged.  
Elrond: Cast the ring into the Fire!  
Isildur: Glances lovingly at ring  
Elrond: Isildur!  
Isildur: .  
Elrond: .  
Isildur: .  
Elrond: .  
Audience: .  
Isildur: .  
Elrond: .  
Isildur: .  
Audience: .  
Elrond: .  
Isildur: .  
Audience: WTF! freak  
Isildur: No.  
Audience: Finally!

Narrator: So Isildur decided to keep the ring. The ring, being evil and shiny, called to a bunch of orcs who came out of no where and shot Isildur with a 22 magnum.The ring fell to the bottom of the river and sat there forgotten for several thousand years. How the battle and the ring and all that, was forgotten is beyond me. One day the ring was picked up by a Hobbit named Deogal (but your not really supposed to know that until the third movie) and was taken by Smegol into the Misty mountains.  
There it consumed him and gave him unnatural long life and also gave him a very ...unique new name. Several hundred years later the ring was taken by a Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins.  
Gollum: Begins to wail and cry pitifully We lost it, we did! My precious!


	2. Chapter 2

Narrator: ...And here our story begins.  
We open with Frodo sitting lazily under a tree reading a book titled '101 ways to avoid being the protagonist in a series of very long movies'. Suddenly we hear hoofs clattering against a road of some type.

Frodo: Yay! jumps up and runs off leaving his book behind

Narrator: We now see a cart rolling steadily along a very small road. The old man sitting atop the cart slowly looks up at Frodo.  
Frodo: You're late!  
Gandalf: ...I was...busy.  
Frodo: I missed you, Gandalf! I missed you so much!  
Gay's in Audience: Sob so...beautiful!  
Concerned parents in Audience: covers childrens eyes  
Narrator: So Gandalf and Frodo drive off to Hobbiton were they share a pretty pointless conversation.  
Audience: What was the conversation about?  
Heart: I don't feel like telling you.  
Audience: Oh, come on!  
Frodo: No way! It's private!  
Audience: (0o)  
Heart: ...yeah, like I said, I don't want to talk about it. Narrator: Anyway! Frodo says a few POINTLESS words and then leaps off the wagon and runs off somewhere. Narrator: Finally Gandalf reaches Bilbo's house.  
or hill as it appears.Gandalf knocks on the door.  
Gandalf: Knocks on the door, then flashes the camera a cheesy grin  
Bilbo: Go away! I will have no visitors, well wishers, or realitives!  
Gandalf: What about old freinds? You didn't say anything about them.  
Bilbo: Shoot!  
Gandalf: barges in Why, Bilbo, you haven't aged a day!  
Bilbo: Liar.  
Wings: Yeah!  
Heart: Shut up and give me my Keyboard!  
Wings: whimper  
Gandalf: ...so what do you do now adays?  
Bilbo: I don't think I'll tell you!  
Gandalf: pouts  
Bilbo: Fine! I'll show you.

Narrator: We now see a scene of Bilbo and Gandalf enjoying a smoke.  
Gandalf: What do they call this again?  
Bilbo: Weed, It's new. Watch this! blows smoke rings  
Gandalf: blows a boat that sails through the rings  
Bilbo: ...Show off.  
Narrator: Five minutes later we see both Bilbo and Gandalf rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter.

ANOUNCER:WE' RE SORRY TO INTERUPT THIS MOVIE WITH A MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TEENS AGAINST WEED SOCIETY.  
RANDOM TEEN: WEED IS WACK!  
ANOUNCER: THANK YOU.

Audience: Can they do that?

Heart: They just did, get over it!

Narrator: Now it's time for the birthday party. There is a bunch of dancing, and smoking, and drinking, also there are a few conga lines.

Frodo: Hey, Sam, why don't you go ask Rosie for a dance? (pats him on the shoulder)

Sam: Because, I'm much too embrassed Mr.Frodo. Also I secretly admier And long for you.

Frodo: oblivious Oh, well. spots Bilbo Speech!

Bilbo:get's up to make a speach Bagginses and Brandybucks, Gamgees and Tooks,Proudfoot and...uh...well anyway this party's not about you so let's get back to me.Today is my 111th birthday! Now this is the part of the speech where I'm supposed to tell you all that I have great feelings tword each and every one of you, and would like you to bear my children.  
Audience: () covering ears MAKE IT STOP!  
Bilbo: But I'm not a pimp and honestly I don't feel that any of us have anything in common. That's all I feel like saying so goodbye.  
Narrator: He disappears, Frodo (and everyone else) gasps. Gandalf magically transports himself to Bilbo's house, and lets himself in.  
Gandalf: O yeah! You wish you had my mad skills!  
Bilbo: This town sucks! These people suck! I missed the I'm only 3 feet special on Jerry Springer and I have no clue what to do!  
Gandalf: No way! That episode rocked!  
Bilbo: glare  
Gandalf: Ah it burns!  
Bilbo: Anyway I'm leaving and leaving all my posessions to Frodo.  
Gandalf: What about the ring?  
Bilbo: What ring? looks innocent Heart: you're about as bad at lying as Wings is!  
Bilbo: don't insult me!  
Wings: hate  
Bilbo: Fine! drops the ring  
Gandalf: O baby, baby how was I supposed to know.  
Wings and Audience: WTF! That wasn't in the script!  
Heart: evil laughter, holding pen and script  
Wings: ...why are you holding the script?  
Heart: What script?  
Audience: SINNER!  
Gandalf: ...I like that part! Sheer genious!  
Wings: ANYWAY!  
Bilbo: picks up bags and leaves  
Frodo: He left! Oh the sorrow!  
Gandalf: Yeah well all of this stuff was left to you. Here, take the ring. I gotta go. Frodo: YAY!  
Gandalf: runs in 5 sec later Is it secret! Is it safe!  
Frodo: (0o) what?  
Gandalf: The ring Idiot!  
Frodo: takes an envalope down from mantle place here.  
Gandalf: throws ring and envalope in the fire  
Frodo: says quietly...Hey...that's mine.  
Gandalf: Hold out your hand, it's quite cool.  
Frodo: obeys OH THE PAIN!  
Gandalf: SUCKER!  
Audience: (TT)aww Gandalf: Is there any writing on it?  
Frodo: how should I know? I'm blinded by my own tears!  
Gandalf: looks at ring It is as I had feard... come with me.  
Narrator: Five minutes later, Frodo is packed and ready to go.  
Gandalf: You must leave the Shire. Go to the village of Bree I will meet you there. Do not put on the ring!  
Frodo.  
Gandalf: ...oh I almost forgot, MERRY, PIPPIN, SAM!  
Merry/ Pippin/ Sam: burst through door  
Gandalf: These three will be your support and comic releif throughout your trip.  
Merry: We're going on a trip?  
Pippin: I love trips!  
Merry: I love your accent!  
Sam: I love Frodo!  
Narrator: So the hobbits start off on their trip, enjoying the sights.  
Frodo: Tree!  
Pippin: Tree!  
Merry: Tree!  
Sam: Frodo!  
Nasgul: Hobbits!  
Hobbits: Dementor!


End file.
